Things I've Noticed

Compliments and Criticism for Compliments

The compliment is the most controversial positive social phenomena in existence.  Compliments are often obvious and direct, but they can sometimes be hidden or subtle.  The basic idea to is tell somebody that you like or appreciate something about them or something they did.  If we were simple creatures, that would be the end of it.  But there's so much more that we must consider.  First of all is the compliment appropriate and does it fit the situation?  You don't want to tell an executive of the opposite sex that they look hot in that suit even if you feel that way.  With respect to courtship, compliments must be used judiciously so as not to appear desperate or overly doting.  You also don't want to give anybody a big head. 

And then there is the reciprocation factor.  Many people expect compliments in return, (even if there is nothing to compliment).  I've also come across people that give compliments freely because they are fishing for compliments for themselves.  We all like to be appreciated, so compliments make us feel good and can be motivating.  But some people take it too far, needing them as a self-esteem crutch.  Others use compliments to establish position over somebody else.  A compliment can indirectly indicate, "I'm good enough to critique you."  Or, "I'm so secure that I can give compliments and I don't need them".  In fact, I often make fun of myself as proof."  Compliments are complicated.

Maybe this partially explains why our world is so negative.  Criticisms are sometimes easier and usually more appropriate.  They often convey more useful information as well.  If something is nice, a compliment won't Constructive criticism often lets the other person know how they can improve.  And a criticism also shows a different kind of authority over the receiver.

Some people never give compliments.  Perhaps they feel it, but don't say it and they take for granted what they already have.  Or they want others to perpetually try to get a compliment from them.  Why change the status quo if the status quo is good and compliments might cause unwanted change?

Receiving compliments is not always easy either.  What does one say?  I get a little bashful when somebody compliments me.  Sometimes I don't feel worthy of the compliment.  At other times I do feel deserving, but I feel obligated to reciprocate.  And than I have to be sure that any compliment I give sounds genuine, and hopefully is genuine.

Compliments are nice, but they aren't all good.  They need to be brought back down to earth.  That's why I wrote this post.

+ Atul

Fortuitous Domain Naming - The Noticer and Andy Andrews

A while ago, I had bought the rights to the domain name thenoticer.com because I was considering changing the name of my blog to "The Noticer", (that would be me).  Then I decided against it temporarily, but held on to the domain name.  As good fortune would have it, motivational/inspirational writer/speaker Andy Andrews happened to decide to name his latest book The Noticer.  I had never heard of him but he is a New York Times Best-Selling Author who has also been on PBS.  The nice folks at the publishing company contacted me to see if I wanted to sell the domain, but I thought it would be best to hold onto it and leverage their referral program to help fund my web operations.

I should also mention that the company gave me a copy of every book, (signed by Andy Andrews), CD, and DVD that he has published.  That was really nice of them.  I'm almost done with The Traveler's Gift which is hard to put down due to its mix of poetic language and life lessons.

What's also interesting is that Andy Andrews has started a site called "The Noticer Project", (thenoticerproject.com), which allows people to write notes to the five most influential people in their lives. Those notes will be delivered in the regular postal mail and published on the The Noticer Project website.  If you're interested in buying some of Andy's books or multimedia materials, please click on the ad to the right to buy them.

+ Atul
(The Original Noticer)

Things I've Noticed's Third Birthday, Who Would Have Thought?

I'm proud to say that this blog has been running for three years now.  I never expected to still be writing, but blogging has a special appeal to my creative and analytical sides as well as my Leo side that likes to get some attention.  I take joy in knowing that I can make an impact on the world by making people think.  I also like making people laugh, (or chuckle), and allowing others to get to know me better, but it does expose myself to people knowing too much about me, (like Facebook does, but in a different kind of way).  I've also had a few nasty comments from people who hide behind the veil of internet anonymity.

It's interesting how I come up in theTop 5 on Google search results for…

• anti-vegetarianism
• wearing the same clothes every day
• Deal or No Deal spreadsheet
• quirks of comedians
• Indian guy on American Idol
• selfish generation

This is my 371st post.  So far TIN has had 51,359 page views which amounts to around 47 per day. Google says that there are only 1,794,466 websites more popular than mine!  The average visitor spends a minute per visit and 85% just bounce in and out, perhaps not finding what they were looking for from searching on Google.  (Or perhaps they don't like my picture).  Repeat visitors make up 11% of the visits.  I even have human subcribers that are a subset of the number shown on the right of the page.  That number includes automated subscribers.  I have more readers and more random visitors than I ever would have imagined.

Lots of article ideas still in the hamper, so don't expect me to stop writing anytime soon, but I don't think I'll ever be consistent in how often I write or what types of things I write about.  I keep talking about redesigning my blog, and it just never happens.  Part of me says why mess with a good thing(?), while another part of me hasn't had time to do it perfectly.  I don't want a half-baked redesign.  (To start, if anybody can help me figure out how to make the center column wider on Typepad, I would be grateful).

Now that TIN is three, I expect it to start paying its way, so it has new advertising.  I make about $5 a month so it doesn't do much to defray the blog hosting fee I pay, but I don't care.  One expert told me that with the Google page rank of 3 that this site has, I could make $100 per month with the addition of some text link ads.  In the meantime, please click on an ad or two after you're done reading.  Think of it as a tip.

On a side note, I have one person in Tempe, Arizona who seems to be in the process of reading every blog post I've ever written.  I'm curious to know who you are since you are the first person who has ever done that.

I'm still waiting for Andy Rooney, (my inspiration), to visit this blog and comment.  It's too bad he can't access my site from his typewriter.  I also wouldn't mind getting his job when he retires, but he's still going strong at 90!  Thanks to all you readers for keeping me going!  Here's to another 3 years of blogging.

+ Atul

Quick Ten List #1 - I'm a PC and... Responses

I was back at my house in the Detroit area and my friend/tenant and I came up with some great Microsoft "I'm a PC and..." responses.  I haven't really felt like videotaping myself so I thought I'd write them on my blog instead.  Here are the ones that I feel are TIN-worthy...

I'm a PC ...

1. ... and I'm all about the music... man
2. ... but I don't freeze up
3. ... and I have high cholesterol
4. ... and I program your software
5. ... and I hate washing dishes
6. ... and I like dropping my laptop
7. ... and I like big butts and I cannot lie
8. ... and I'm not a plumber... and my name's not Joe
9. ... and I like to do the moonwalk
10. ... and Bill Gates is my hero

+ Atul

Regarding the Ad on The Right: Official Debate

My friend, "The Boss", (but much younger than Bruce Springstein), has created a new site which I find quite interesting.  It's called OfficialDebate.com.  It's just starting up, but it has lots of neat topics that are at times controversial.  Every good debate needs lots of debaters so click on the link and register if you like to argue with people on topics that you know you're right about.  I did.  Please argue respectfully and soon the site will add other interesting features including debates in which the users get to vote to determine the winner.

Oh and tell "The Boss" I sent you there.

+ Atul

Small Talk: An Annoying Necessity

You know the situation.  You're in a room or walking with somebody you don't know too well and to be polite or break the silent awkwardness, one of you says something.  It usually goes something like, "How was the traffic?" or "It's a nice day isn't it?" or "How about the (insert sports team here)?"   Both people know the asker doesn't really care what the other person has to say in response, but it doesn't matter.  Somebody has to do something.  Somebody has to start the small talk.  It's annoying, but we all oblige like zombies.

Small talk can get even worse once you get to know somebody better but not to the point that the person is your friend.  That's when comments like, "Staying out of trouble?" get spoken.  Since I work in marketing, I hear these comments way more often than I would like to, but I just grin and bear it.  What bothers me more is that the chuckles and laughter in response to cliché comments seem to be consistently high.  (This is especially true when the person speaking has the highest position in the room).  The others in the room act like the joke is fresh and unexpected even though they have heard the joke many times before.

I've tried to talk about different small talk topics using my unusual sense of humor, but that doesn't work very often.  It throws people out of their comfort zone.  Sometimes the other person doesn't get my joke, or just doesn't think it's even half as funny as I do.

So I understand why people use small talk.  It is an annoying necessity, but if you're going to do it, at least throw some twists of originality in it.  It can't be sincere if it's repeated the exact same way with every person.  That's like getting a form letter email addressed only to you but sent to thirty others.  Until we demand more in the way of small talk by not reacting so positively to the stalest of small talk, it's never going to change.  Small talk will remain small in its contribution to making our work days less bland.

+ Atul

Ramblings on Supporting Sports Teams and Players

Football season is upon us and as a native Clevelander and Buckeye, it's kind of exciting.  Pride for my city and state rides high during times like this as Northeast Ohio was the cradle of professional football.  (That's why the Hall of Fame is in Canton).  But this time around, my sports team support has got me thinking about why do I support sports teams in general.  I know it's about city pride, but if I remember back to the Art Modell owner theft of the Cleveland Browns from the city of Cleveland to transport them to Baltimore as the Ravens, it reminds me that I stopped supporting the same players who a year earlier, I had cheered for.

The sports philosophical question is, shouldn't I support the same players that I liked before?  Few of them are from the Cleveland area.  (I do think it would be great to have teams only draw players from their surrounding region.)  Since that's not the case, why do I need to give support for these millionaires to play a fun game?  Sure they are talented, and what they do is entertaining, but I'm beginning to question my "fanacism" a bit.  All most athletes usually do is move a ball a certain way faster or more skillfully than a typical person and usually in a way that deceives another.  Impressive?  Perhaps.  But this world needs to pay for other skills, ones that can do more for the world, like sciences to help the environment, and teaching.  I don't downplay the fact that humans need entertainment, but I don't think we need entertainment that's this expensive.  Although their economic benefit is questionable, I should be clear and express my general support for what sports do to give pride in a city or university.  The value here is hard to measure and it varies widely.  So I guess I can understand why people root for sports teams.  What I don't understand is why they root for individual players in individual sports.

Why should I support one golf player or tennis player over another?  Do I choose one who is more like me or whom I can better relate to?  If all the players are from the same country as you, then why choose anybody?  I just don't get it.  Tiger Woods and Roger Federer seem like a nice guys but they don't need any of my help, especially when I would have to be quiet most of the time while watching them play.  That's another thing that bothers me about these snooty individual sports.  If they're getting paid this much, they should be able to handle some fan noise.  Besides, it's harder to hit a split-fingered fastball in baseball than it is to hit a stationary ball in golf.

People praying for themselves or their team to beat another team is just wrong.  God shouldn't be playing favorites, (unless one team has more evil people on it).  But we can't judge that.  One way I've maneuvered around this sports theology question is by the number of fans in one city versus another.  Supporting the team with more fans helps "the greater good".  That would continually favor teams from New York and Los Angeles.  How horrible that would be.  Alternatively, I sometimes think God should help the team that hasn't won a championship as recently as the other.  That's fair to me, but God must not agree, because it hasn't worked for Cleveland for 50 years.  Regardless, I'll still support "my teams", even though I have no ownership stake in them.  They really haven't done much for me lately, but they may someday.  That's why I support them... I think.

+ Atul

The Arrogance of Today-ness and Entertainment Taste Insecurity

I'm watching a VH-1 Special on sensational soft rock songs and observing the commentary on most of the artists reminded me of something I've been wanting to write about for some time now.  The smart-alec celebrity commentators are funny, but they have a smugness that's interesting.  This attitude stems from the notion that everything old and pop sucked (with few exceptions).  These songs by groups like Hall and Oates were ones that most of us liked at one time, or they wouldn't be hits.  At what point do we all abandon the fact that these were great songs for their time?  And more importantly, why do we do it?  I have a collection of music including artists such as Mariah Carey, The Go-Gos, Foreigner and a bunch of other groups whose songs I'm proud to own, but ones for which other people make fun of me.  I would understand if the people who make fun of me for it never liked it, but I always say that if I believe that a song is good, that means I'll always like it whether its critically acclaimed or not.  Is it "taste in entertainment insecurity" that drives others to change their mind about the songs?  It's either that or the fact that we outgrow music in some way.  I can't explain that phenomena.  Nobody has outgrown their taste for the Mona Lisa, or Andy Warhol.  Perhaps its based on level of greatness.  Critics and awards can proclaim greatness, but I proclaim it under my own terms for my own use.  Only "great" songs go on my MP3 player.  TV shows and movies are considered differently too.  "Growing Pains" and "Who's The Boss" are downright cheesy and appear low budget in some ways, (perhaps due to the bad acting), but movies seem to age better and more frequently become classics, although we'll pay to watch crappy movies just because of the star factor or because everybody else is watching them and we don't want to be left out.  So the lesson to be taken from this post is to not be so sure that what you like today is all that great.  Somebody is sure to think it crappy in the future, and sometimes for good reason.  But then, if you really like it, just ignore their opinions.  It's your MP3 player and you should do with it what you want.

+ Atul

Poetry Intelligence?

RW has had a lot of time lately to ponder and write poetry that only a genius could interpret.  Even the way you answer his Roundtable post for this week is open.  I was inspired by my recent lawn-mowing expedition.  Prose, rhyming text, or clever comments are all welcome over at his blog Chasing Vincenzo.

+ Atul

Sanjaya Malakar - Our First Indian American Idol of Any Kind

I'm sure this guy is being talked about all over the press, on the internet, and especially on blogs, but as a fellow Indian American, it's my turn.  People tend to focus on this seemingly nice guy's singing abilities and on how deserving he is to still be on the show.  His singing talent is arguable.  I'm no expert, but I find him to have a nice smooth voice and he stays on tune quite well, but he just doesn't have the stage presence to be the winner of American Idol.  He totally reminds me of Michael Jackson and at least some girls love him.  But his significance in pop culture is more important to his ethnic group than it is to mainstream Americans.

Sanjaya is the first Indian guy in the U.S. that has become a household name since Mahatma Gandhi.  It's sad but true in a way, yet it gives me hope.  He is showing that "a brown guy" can be respected and considered just like any other American.  I was growing tired of the dichotomy of stereotypes that we were associated with.  On one hand, Indians are among the most educated and wealthiest of ethnicities, yet on TV, we're usually portrayed as soft bumbling idiots who can only speak English with a heavy Indian accent.  This never made sense to me.

Much to my delight, while I was watching Saturday Night Live last Saturday, one of their regular cast members was portraying Sanjaya, just like anybody else would be mimicked.  When was the last time you saw a real Indian person being portrayed on a major American television show?  I cannot remember and I'm guessing you can't either. 

Regardless of possible voter manipulation that has kept Sanjaya on the show, perhaps America has learned a lesson.  His ethnicity in fact seems almost transparent as we seem to have collectively learned that those of Indian ethnicity are just like whites, Latinos, or African Americans.  We're also a part of the fabric of American culture.  Some of us sing, some of us speak perfect English, some of us make girls cry, but all of us Indian-Americans deserve to be considered as part of the mainstream.

+ Atul