Things I've Noticed

Compliments and Criticism for Compliments

The compliment is the most controversial positive social phenomena in existence.  Compliments are often obvious and direct, but they can sometimes be hidden or subtle.  The basic idea to is tell somebody that you like or appreciate something about them or something they did.  If we were simple creatures, that would be the end of it.  But there's so much more that we must consider.  First of all is the compliment appropriate and does it fit the situation?  You don't want to tell an executive of the opposite sex that they look hot in that suit even if you feel that way.  With respect to courtship, compliments must be used judiciously so as not to appear desperate or overly doting.  You also don't want to give anybody a big head. 

And then there is the reciprocation factor.  Many people expect compliments in return, (even if there is nothing to compliment).  I've also come across people that give compliments freely because they are fishing for compliments for themselves.  We all like to be appreciated, so compliments make us feel good and can be motivating.  But some people take it too far, needing them as a self-esteem crutch.  Others use compliments to establish position over somebody else.  A compliment can indirectly indicate, "I'm good enough to critique you."  Or, "I'm so secure that I can give compliments and I don't need them".  In fact, I often make fun of myself as proof."  Compliments are complicated.

Maybe this partially explains why our world is so negative.  Criticisms are sometimes easier and usually more appropriate.  They often convey more useful information as well.  If something is nice, a compliment won't Constructive criticism often lets the other person know how they can improve.  And a criticism also shows a different kind of authority over the receiver.

Some people never give compliments.  Perhaps they feel it, but don't say it and they take for granted what they already have.  Or they want others to perpetually try to get a compliment from them.  Why change the status quo if the status quo is good and compliments might cause unwanted change?

Receiving compliments is not always easy either.  What does one say?  I get a little bashful when somebody compliments me.  Sometimes I don't feel worthy of the compliment.  At other times I do feel deserving, but I feel obligated to reciprocate.  And than I have to be sure that any compliment I give sounds genuine, and hopefully is genuine.

Compliments are nice, but they aren't all good.  They need to be brought back down to earth.  That's why I wrote this post.

+ Atul

Quick Quote on Visionaries

"Visionaries see too much possibility to ever be content."

+ Atul

Not Being Tall Gets You The Short End of The Stick

The last time I checked, my height was 5’8 and some fraction of an additional inch. By American standards, this is slightly below average for a male. But I like my height. I’m tall enough that I can see over my office cube walls, I’m taller than most women, (except maybe here in the Twin Cities), I can fit in any car, feel comfortable on any plane seat, and I never hit my head on a door frame. To clarify, I have nothing against my taller friends, coworkers, and acquaintances. I’m not "heightist". But we live in a world that judges people on height. Society in general doesn’t share my affinity for not being tall. I and many others pay the price every day.  Research shows that taller people make more money, and get elected more often than shorter candidates. They’re often seen as better leaders just because of their physical stature. But, everybody knows that some short people, like Napoleon and Gandhi were great leaders while some tall people like George W. Bush were clearly not.

Heightism is especially apparent on the dating scene. I can understand that a woman would want a guy at least a couple of inches taller for that whole protector masculine male / feminine female effect, even though a lot of short guys can kick taller guys’ butts. And many of them want to wear heels without appearing taller than the guy, but I’ve come across women that are scarcely above 5 feet tall who only want to be with guys that are 6’0” and taller. That’s like being prejudiced against your own kind. Perhaps they’re just trying to compensate. Regardless, wanting a guy over a certain height constitutes filtering a potential mate over one purely physical trait. I thought women wanted nice guys that could make them laugh. I’ve been mistaken all along. Sociological research shows that height is the number one factor women use to judge a man’s suitability as a mate. I could ask for a minimum measurements of a certain female physical feature, (if you know what I mean), and that would totally not be OK. (For the record, I wouldn’t do that.) I’m not sure where this double standard came from. I know that not all is roses for tall people though.  In my research, I've found that shorter women are preferred by men.  Tall women have to compete with the short women who only want tall guys. (They must really hate that).  And to be fair, tall men can be discriminated against too. Certain jobs don’t have the space for too much height.

In the athletics arena, height is an asset in almost every sport. Us shorter people resort to playing soccer which still holds advantages for tall players when it comes to headers. One can make up for being short by running fast, or having good jumping ability or long arms, but it’s not the same. I always used to joke that if I was as tall as Shaq, I could be a great basketball player too, (and I would have a much higher free throw percentage). There’s also interesting research that shows that taller people are slower to react to their surroundings, so maybe we have one slight advantage. I tend to root for the underdog, so I’m often cheering for short people like Spud Webb and Muggsy Bogues who played professional basketball in the NBA and were 5’7” and 5’3” respectively. We need to develop a new sport where being shorter is an asset, one besides horse racing.

In a way, I’d like to congratulate tall people for having won a kind of genetic lottery. I envy tall people without wanting to have their height. Maybe guys should be the ones who wear shoes with taller heels.  Contrary to what one might think, I don’t have a complex about my height. But height is obviously an issue with others, so I have to be aware of what factors might be working against me.  I’m lucky I’m not shorter.  Perhaps I’m just jealous of the free pass tall people get in so many avenues of life.

+ Atul

Quick Quote on Time Management

If I managed my time better, it would work harder and get a lot more done for me.

+ Atul

When Traveling, It’s Better to Overpack than to Underpack

I’ll be the first to admit that when I travel, I tend to overpack.  People sometimes make fun of me for it, (as if guys aren’t supposed to do this), but I don’t let that change my ways.  There are definite advantages to overpacking and they far outweigh the advantages of underpacking.   In a way, I admire people that can travel for a week with only one carry-on bag, but they’re giving up a lot.  First there’s the preparedness.  No matter what the weather or what activities I may take part in, I’m prepared.  Others shiver, boil, or have to sit on the sidelines while us overpackers have fun.  Then, there’s the free work out I get by having to lift heavier, larger bags.  It’s hard to get to the gym while I travel, and some places don’t even have gyms.

I know that overpacking can lead to inconvenience, especially when you travel to unfamiliar places.  You have to lug the bags around awkward spots, put them in cabs, carry them on trains through adverse situations.  But that builds character and lets people know that you're a tourist not to be messed with.  With more clothes, you can wear a larger variety while you travel so that you don’t look like you have no fashion consciousness.  You won't be the guy in tennis shoes and khakis.  Of course, you can’t be an inconsiderate overpacker.  If you’re taking a road trip with three other people in a car, you can’t use up half the trunk space.  But there have been many times where, the overpacking guy was the one with the entertainment or the tools that saved the day.  Things like extra chargers, music, umbrellas, and medicine all take up space but are completely functional.   Overpackers can be heroes.  Think about the worst case scenario.  Who’s going to be the guy you can count on?  It’s the person who packs the most stuff in his or her luggage.

We still get the ridicule from underpackers.  Sometimes we make people have to wait for our luggage to come on to the carousel, but if you’re going to check in a bag, (and pay for it), you might as well get your money’s worth.  That way, you’re not the guy taking up all the overhead space inside the plane.  Those people are even worse than overpackers.

A hidden benefit to overpacking is that you learn how to fit things into available space.  This is immensely helpful in the case of moving or packing a car for a long trip.  I consider myself an expert at space utilization, and although I may get some of the skill hereditarily from my father, practice makes me better.  After all, you want to use the stuff you have as much as possible and taking it with you makes you feel more like you’re at home while you’re away.

So to the rest of you overpackers out there, keep at it.  Fight for your right to be the one with the stuff that can make your trip more enjoyable, even if it might take extra effort.

+ Atul

Fortuitous Domain Naming - The Noticer and Andy Andrews

A while ago, I had bought the rights to the domain name thenoticer.com because I was considering changing the name of my blog to "The Noticer", (that would be me).  Then I decided against it temporarily, but held on to the domain name.  As good fortune would have it, motivational/inspirational writer/speaker Andy Andrews happened to decide to name his latest book The Noticer.  I had never heard of him but he is a New York Times Best-Selling Author who has also been on PBS.  The nice folks at the publishing company contacted me to see if I wanted to sell the domain, but I thought it would be best to hold onto it and leverage their referral program to help fund my web operations.

I should also mention that the company gave me a copy of every book, (signed by Andy Andrews), CD, and DVD that he has published.  That was really nice of them.  I'm almost done with The Traveler's Gift which is hard to put down due to its mix of poetic language and life lessons.

What's also interesting is that Andy Andrews has started a site called "The Noticer Project", (thenoticerproject.com), which allows people to write notes to the five most influential people in their lives. Those notes will be delivered in the regular postal mail and published on the The Noticer Project website.  If you're interested in buying some of Andy's books or multimedia materials, please click on the ad to the right to buy them.

+ Atul
(The Original Noticer)

Quick Quote on Problems

"He who seems to have all the answers often has the most problems."

+ Atul

Presumptuously Taking Ownership of Colors and Letters

I have a three name full name for a reason.  The combination of my first and last name is ridiculously popular not only in India, but even here in the U.S.  Using as much detail as possible helps to specify who I am.  My first name starts with the letter A, but so do the names of about 200 million other people.  In this internet age, one practice I've noticed is people signing their emails with just the first letter of their first name, (as if they own that letter).  I find the habit to be kind of annoying.  At least people should use their initials, or better yet, just use their given first name or their nickname.

Many institutions are also described with letters or colors, but people should take into account that when they get too general, most people in the country don't have any idea of what they're talking about.  Michigan State University is known as "State" in Michigan, and their flag is green with a big white 'S' in the middle.  That's really presumptuous considering that there are so many state colleges in the country.  I know it's meant to differentiate the school from the University of Michigan, but still.  And what is OSU?  To me, it's The Ohio State University.  But some people think it stands for Oklahoma State University.  That would be fine except that the Ohio school was formed first, (and it's bigger).  In this case, the Buckeyes should get to uniquely claim OSU amongst other colleges.  By the same logic, the University of Michigan is the real U of M, not the University of Minnesota.  (I know that that statement is going to upset some Minnesotans.)  Since I moved to Minneapolis from Michigan, it has been really hard to get used to comprehending what is meant when I hear "the U of M".  I also remember when I used to wear a yellow blue and white rugby shirt in the 90's, while I lived in the Detroit area.  Whenever I wore it, people assumed I was a University of Michigan fan.  I had to tell them that I wasn't.  I would get responses from people telling me that I should only have worn it if I was a U of M fan.  But that school doesn't "own" those colors.  I can use those colors without pronouncing my allegiance to anything.

With this being St. Patrick's Day, I'm reminded that we tend to associate green with Ireland, red with China.  The downside of this is that we're attributing characteristics to colors, ones that might have inadvertent and sometimes negative connotations.

It's all no big deal, but people need to consider others outside their world when they try to attribute certain very common things to people or institutions that they're familiar with.  When meeting people from other circles or traveling to other parts of the world, interpretations can vary drastically.  That causes confusion.  Confusion isn't good; and neither is presumptuousness.

+ Atul

Quick Quote on Greed Number Two

"We become slaves to our greed."

+ Atul

Quick Quote on Saying Things

"The less often you say something, the more meaning it has."

+ Atul