Things I've Noticed

Knowing What to Do When Walking Towards People Is Tough

It’s needed on a daily basis, but I don’t ever remember my parents or any of my teachers explaining to me proper etiquette on what to do when I walk towards people passing in the opposite direction.  I’ve grown up and developed my own habits but there is nothing to validate that I am right or wrong.  In the street, we all pass by strangers.  Sometimes we look at them and sometimes we don’t.  It all depends on the situation, the vibe, and what the person looks like.  On the other hand, when we walk by people we know (such as at work,) I’m never quite sure that my nodding of acknowledgment for guys and occasional hello for other guys and some women is right.  Some people don’t even look you back in the eye and then you wonder what your approach should be the next time you pass them.  Then there are the moody ones that will say hello sometimes but not all the time.  That’s quite inconsiderate.  What can be going so wrong in your day (except for maybe a family tragedy) that you can’t say hello to a fellow co-worker?

Things get worse if you pass the same co-worker twice within a short period of time.  Do you say anything?  Hello a second time certainly doesn’t make sense.  Then there’s the long hallway situation.  You notice that you know a person walking the other way from a distance of 50 feet (unless you need a new prescription for your corrective lenses,) and you have to figure out where you’re going to look until you get close to perhaps 10 feet away to react.  Is that the right distance?  Who knows? With members of the opposite sex that might also be single and around the same age, the other person might think that a “hello” means you’re trying to pick them up.  And that only complicates matters. 

It’s amazing that we don’t have rules of etiquette for this all figured out.  We do have simple rules when you meet somebody for the first time at a business meeting.  You shake their hand, look them in the eye and introduce yourself.  Driving in a car and passing others by makes life easier.  You have to pay attention to the road so you don’t have to look at them and they can’t hear you so you don’t have to think about what to say.   Additionally, you pass by the other car at a minimum of 50 miles per hour of combined passing speed so the lack of time keeps this from being an issue anyway.  This is yet another reason why I love cars and driving.

I propose the following rules of etiquette.  When you walk by somebody at work that you recognize but don’t know well, say hi or hello (no matter how bad of a mood you’re in) and only if it’s the first time for the day.  If you know them by name, you say something like “Hey Charlie,” again, only if it’s the first time for the day.  For the second or subsequent times, just look them in the eye and nod your head.  For long hallway situation, look at the ground until 10 feet of distance.  If you pass by a stranger, you can do whatever you want but if you make eye contact, a smile and a “hi” seem about right.

There you go.  I’ve just solved one of life’s minor etiquette annoyances…   at least for the USA.

+ Atul

Quick Quote on Labels

"A label is inherently a stereotype."

+ Atul

Quick Quote on Random Acts of Kindness

"Acts of kindness should not be so random."

+ Atul

Getting Grossed Out Is Purely Human

I’ve often wondered why humans get grossed out by things or experiences.  Animals don’t get grossed out (G.O.) but us humans and our big brains do it all the time.  Of course, some people get grossed out more than others and by more things than others.  But G.O. can probably happen to any of us if the gross factor is raised enough.  The senseless TV show Fear Factor is proof of this.

If a small animal lands in a toilet, it does not get grossed out.  It tries to get out of the toilet.  A human in a similarly gross situation might get so disgusted that they would either not do what it takes to survive or be traumatized for life. 

And so we do things like get obsessive compulsive disorders and use antibacterial wipes on everything… every day.  Maybe we as humans know too much.  We know that there are bacteria everywhere although the overly clean OCD people don’t think rationally.  Many bacteria are good and killing good bacteria while making bad bacteria stronger is detrimental to everyone.

Sometimes the thought of a horrendous injury grosses us out.  It’s either sympathy or a prediction of what it would feel like.  Tastes of certain things can gross us out.  The feeling of something against our skin also causes the state of being G.O.  I don’t want to go into details on such things because I might gross you out and that’s not what this blog is all about.  But what is being “grossed out” after all?  It’s an emotional state that warrants some psychological research if it hasn’t been done already.

I’m not sure if being grossed out is any better than being stressed out but the former can surely cause the latter.

+ Atul

Quick Quote on Being A Sports Fan

"Supporting a sports team is like a mood lottery."

+ Atul

Do Bad Habits A Better Way

I would guess that 50% of the people who made New Year’s Resolutions are still going strong.  The others have already succumbed to lack of discipline or temptation.  Outside of not following through on resolutions, we all do things we shouldn’t do (often while chiding others for doing them).  But these habits can be done in a way that is less dangerous, less harmful, and therefore less detrimental to society.  I’m here to give some ideas on how to lessen the effects of bad habits (only if you’re already practicing these).  I’m not advocating taking up these bad habits if you are not doing so already.  (My lawyer made me write that).

For instance, we all know texting and driving is dangerous but many people do it.  I would guess that most accidents from texting and driving occur because the person texting looks away for too long and in a busy situation.  The answer here is to only look away and type what 2 seconds allows at a time, hold the phone closer to driving line of sight and most importantly, don’t text when there is a lot of traffic around or on a 2-lane road where it would be easy to merge into oncoming traffic.  Don’t even try when somebody could stop suddenly in front of you and never if pedestrians or cyclists may be around.

As for eating unhealthy food, try only doing it when it’s free or after you’ve worked out or eaten a salad.  You’ll eat less of it and reduce the unhealthy effects while still getting the desire for it out of your system.  One strategy I use is to try not to buy desserts at the grocery store.  As soon as they are in my apartment, I tend to keep eating because it tastes so good, is addictive and is there!

When it comes to not exercising as much as we should, the best thing to do is make regular life more exercising.  Park far away from the store.  Take the stairs instead of the escalator, and even if you do take the escalator, go up or down the stairs (preferably in the same direction as it’s moving.)  Recent research has said that sitting is bad for you and that standing burns more calories.  Try putting your computer somewhere that you need to stand to type.  You’ll also reduce time on the computer which is a definite time-waster.

Smoking should just never be done.  I have no other advice here.  It stinks, leads to addiction, lung cancer for the smoker and the innocent who are exposed to second-hand smoke.  It’s expensive, can lead to fires, wrinkles, rougher voices, nicotine stains and land pollution from cigarette butts that aren’t disposed of properly.

A lot of us like to have a few more drinks than we should.  This leads to empty calories, potentially dangerous driving situations and often the hunger to eat greasy food late at night which leads to even more calorie consumption.  Try drinking mixed drinks and drink them after you fill up on healthy food.  This is a win-win.  Less carbs and a stomach full of nutritious food is less likely to want to have too many drinks filled in it.

My main advice is to not partake in bad habits but since most of us don’t listen, do them in a less harmful or less risky way and come out ahead.

+ Atul

Quick Quote on Life

"Life is one big to-do list and dying is the last thing on it."

+ Atul

Quick Quote on Control

"I'm a guy so that automatically makes me a remote control freak."

+ Atul

Idolization of Leaders and the 1% Phenomenon

With the recent passing of Steve Jobs who has been idolized due to his contributions in creating Apple and leading its efforts in product innovation, I am reminded of how much we as a society focus on leaders.  I don’t want to take anything away from Steve.  It’s sad that he passed away so early in life and he was a successful visionary leader of the company.  But once the company reached a certain size, he just led.  He wasn’t singlehandedly responsible for the continued success of Apple.  In fact, all leaders just lead.  They do not do everything that makes an organization succeed, and without others in the organization, they would be ineffectual.

Every strategy or product idea does not originate in the brain of the leader.  The people who had the actual spark in their mind are rarely mentioned to the public.  She or he may have made decisions to approve them, but without the few people with the original idea, the leader would never accomplish goals.  Those ideas are worth millions.  Without the many hardworking people at the bottom of the pyramid and everywhere in between, a leader can never flourish.

In our American press, articles are written about leaders as if that person is almost 100% responsible for the success of an organization.  Some leaders eat that up and don’t mind being put on the cover of Time magazine or being interviewed as the star.  That’s probably why many of them they ask for high salaries.

They often do work hard and that is admirable, but many of us would work extra hard for millions of dollars.  Even when they fail, they are given golden parachutes.  A true leader sacrifices on behalf of others who are led.  If they made all the hiring decisions, one could say that they put all the right people in place.  But they usually don’t.  Leaders cannot be experts on every detail and so they delegate to people that can figure things out and provide recommendations.   Remember too, that one entry level employee can screw up in a big way to affect a company’s results.

High expectations from a leader can increase the chances of success, but the employees have to have the skills, knowledge, talent, and dedication to deliver.  Leaders do help to inspire, but often employees are motivated by other factors.  They do it for their paycheck, for their family, for their customers, or in support of their coworkers. 

Much of leadership is a façade of invincibility which we inadvertently ask for because we won’t follow somebody who appears as insecure or unsure as they really are.  A leader's belief that this facade is real can lead to feelings of entitlement and superiority that often result in failure.

In the end, the mentality of putting leaders on a pedestal, which is something we tend to do in the US of A, leads to the runaway wealth extremes of the Top 1%.  The big bank executives feel our economy would collapse without them but they don’t realize that it would also collapse without us.  We have continually let CEO’s get the high salaries they demand and now we are powerless to stop it.  (It’s interesting that in other parts of the world the CEO income disparity is smaller.)  I often say, “high salaries don’t get you the best leaders, they get you the greediest.”  These are the ones who take the job for short-term gain, line their pockets, and then leave.  It’s our short-sighted culture that exacerbates this phenomenon.

It’s time for some collective appreciation for the everybody in an organization, not leader worship.  Only then can we expect economic fairness.

+ Atul

Quick Quote on Accomplishments

"You shouldn’t rest on your laurels, but you should occasionally rest to appreciate your laurels."

+ Atul