What Earns Your R-E-S-P-E-C-T?

Building on RW's Roundtable post from last week, I went from thinking about what makes somebody want to listen to you to what makes them think you're worthy of helping, working with, or hanging out with.  We give away first impressions that are either favorable or unfavorable (depending on the moment as well as the person), but in addition to the first impression, what makes you think that a person is worth respecting?  Is it somebody showing up on time for an appointment, designer label clothes, a firm handshake, a British accent?

Some of these attributes present themselves quickly while others take a long time to develop, but I think we all have our hot-buttons for respect.  For me, they are genuineness, kindness, somebody who does what they say they will, being relatively well-spoken, (but not too well-spoken), not questioning my name, not being too serious and many others.  Height doesn't matter to me, knowing that the person has money doesn't buy my admiration.

So I ask guests and the esteemed members of the Roundtable, what makes you respect a person, (perhaps to the point of even listening to them)?

+ Atul

Comments

[Dave P]

The best way to earn respect is by showing respect to others through your thoughts, words and actions.

[Stephen V Funk]

It helps a hell of a lot if the person buys me a drink... anyone?

[beige]

I'll buy The Funk a drink, why not?

I've been having to think about this one a bit...

I think I start out with a baseline amount of respect for anyone that I meet. There's a bit of room to gain more respect, but a lot of space for losing respect.

From there, it's based on actions. Do they over react unnecessarily, and if so, how do they compose themselves? Do they follow through on their promises? How do they deal with intimates? Do they deal with issues directly, or do they beat around the bush?

All of it depends on what the nature of my relationship with them is, also. I give friends a bit more leeway than people I work with, but it generally all functions about the same.

[Atul]

Dave, showing others respect is a great way to earn it, but that can take some time.

I'll buy Funk a second drink if he heads to my neck of the woods. I suppose that since we're all human, we need to give others the baseline benefit of the doubt for respect and take it from there. It doesn't take long for people to weed themselves out between being respectable and not being respectable though.

[EverydaySuperGoddess]

I respect honesty. Especially when it would be easier to lie.

And humility. Especially when it would be easy to be proud.

[Atul]

Hello ESG, thanks for stopping by. Your response was succinct and quite poetic.

[Steph]

Personal integrity wins me over, along with a sense of humor, and respect for self and others.

I'll buy round two, Funk.

[Stephen V. Funk]

This is turning out to be the greatest Roundtable ever... keep em coming.... [hic]

[RW]

It helps if they are female, smell good and have a nice set of tits.

[Carol]

This is a tall order, Atul. Thank you for providing such a thoughtful topic.
My first inclination is to attempt to be witty, sarcastic and downright silly, but it's only because to do otherwise would force me to be truly introspective. I suspect it's not an uncommon coping mechanism, and will try to not slip into that comfortable place.
My truly long-term friendships (my hands-down best friend has held that position since we were 12 years old) have included people in a similar boat as me in some way who have provided examples of how to be, have been supportive "no matter what...", have been honest with me even when I've behaved quite badly, and have been able to always tell and hear the truth.
Those people are rarities, but when you find them, you are reminded about why it's worth it to get up and face each day.
I'm in contact, on a superficial level, with many, many people every day for my job, and am required to "like" a lot of those folks with whom I interact. I guess the crusty layer that has been developed over the years has been in response to the nature of my chosen work path - my sometimes meanness comes from needing to let off steam, and, sometimes there is just no room to try to give potential good friends a chance.
When I do connect with someone, it's usually a gut feel - I sense in them a kindred spirit.
So, yeah, it's just a feeling.

[Sereena X]

According to his criteria listed above, if nothing else, I would have RW's respect if we met in real life.

[RW]

Oh yeah and also give me a lot of money. That would lock it.

[Joe]

Intelligence and consideration in equal measure.

Or, failing that, the ability to quote Blazing Saddles.

[EverydaySuperGoddess]

"Where are all the white women at?"

[Suzanne]

I don't have any $$ to spare, RW.

You'll just have to respect my fragile femininity, my alluring scent, and my amazing rack.

Sincerity, strong character (the ability to do and say the right thing, even when it isn't easy), intelligence, kindness, integrity, open mindedness, and humility win my respect.

Insincerity, weakness, dishonesty, inability to take responsibility for one's own actions (and the consequences thereof), selfishness, and/or self-centeredness win my eternal lack of respect.

[RW]

I can take a voucher.

[Sereena X]

I'm not giving RW anything until he tells me what I get in return.

[beige]

"Where are all the white women at?"

HAHAHA!

[Atul]

Wish I didn't miss most of the great discussion. I was driving from Detroit to Louisville and back.

As for the comments, I also respect white women with lots of money. I see a lot of common traits that many of us mention because as the Roundtablers, we're cool like that, and very respectable.